There seems to be a fault with the Nike R-Bees, Nike’s rocket boot range. With micro rocket engines, and the fuel cells required to drive them, it has proved impossible to synchronise a pair of R-Bees.

This has led to leg injuries and even a few fatalities. Brokenose Johnson was one of the earliest victims. While attempting to kick a field goal, Johnson broke his nose and right cheekbone when his pair of R-Bees misfired. Johnson was considered very fortunate, as the R-Bees have been known to explode on impact. The State of Hawaii Institute for Trauma (S.H.I.T.) has an entire ward dedicated to those injured in the pursuit of sporting excellence.

One such player, who declined to give his name, is waiting on a new rat grown foot, American size 15, after his foot was disintegrated. The incident occurred during an on field argument about an alleged foul, when he literally put down his foot to drive home a point. His main disappointment is that the current colour selection in replacement limbs is limited to white.

Nike CEO Barry Astard commented today, “We at Nike are working closely with the RFL, and will endeavour to make sure that no more fatalities occur”. Continued Mr Astard, “I would also like to send my deepest sympathies to the family of Splits McFee, Nike will cover all costs with regards to the double coffin burial of Mr McFee”.

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