A page from the latest Fine Leather Jackets clothing catalogue

The American multinational IJ Markets, best known as the world’s leading manufacturer of high quality men’s leatherwear, has posted its third successive quarterly loss. Its chief executive Henry Jones Jr. has offered his resignation amidst talk of possible bankruptcy.

A former professor of archaeology, Dr Jones had led the company since its foundation after the Second World War and helped establish the global market for well-crafted manly cowskin garments. In a statement made through his lawyer Jones said:

“It’s been a hell of a journey through the jungle of big business. I thought I’d seen some pretty scary things in my time, but nothing prepared me for the full horror of a double-dip recession. It’s a shame I have to leave, but I’m pretty sure my dad would have been proud of what we’ve achieved. I think we kinda lost our way towards the end though, some of the stuff we were making was pretty weird. I mean, who really needs a lead-lined refrigerator?”

IJ Markets’ European subsidiary, based in Grünwald, Germany, will continue production with a view to a possible takeover by the British drinks and travel conglomerate Universal Exports Ltd.

As well as its famous jacket-making division, the group’s other going concerns include:

• Trilby and fedora distribution in North America

• A bullwhip factory, one of the last of its kind in the world

• A chain of vintage motorcycle maintenance workshops

IJ Markets’ new acting CEO, Mr Faisel el-Kahir, is expected to formally take over next week after an Extraordinary General Meeting of shareholders.

Photo by tinyfroglet under CC-By-2.0

In a couple of hours the cows were located, having landed outside the city to graze. When questioned, their leader indeed admitted they were heading to Paris for the fashion market. She referred to a story carried in a British tabloid stating that the models in Paris are total cows nowadays. Thus, they had decided to take their chances at forging a new career. They felt they would do well as fresh meat in the business.

Although the cows were obviously mad, the police decided to let them go. Brussels Chief of Police Jacques Mist comments: “It simply isn’t against the law or the public peace if some cows want to make their living as models in Paris. Although it sure does sound crazy. These cows were peaceful although silly, so we let them fly away.”

WTF