Sale of alcohol banned in bars and pubs

March 29, 2018

In a joint statement by the health ministers of the EU member states, sales of alcoholic beverages in bars, restaurants and pubs are to be outlawed from next year (2019) onwards.

“We’ve seen how successful the smoking ban was in the 2000s, and now we want to continue that good work.” explained the EU Health Commissioner Emanuel Ouzo. “Alcohol has been linked with many serious illnesses such as heart disease, not to mention countless forms of violence.”

When asked for reasons people might visit bars if alcohol sales were halted, the Commissioner responded “There’s plenty to do in an alcohol-free bar, such as enjoying the high quality music, pleasant surroundings and those touchscreen quiz machines. There are also some excellent fried snacks, at least until we phase those out too.”

Comparisons have been made with the prohibition era of the 1920s, when alcohol sales were banned in the United States. However, the Commissioner was eager to quash such parallels: “This cannot be equated to the age of Al Capone. We are not making alcohol illegal, merely restricting its use to private homes. Once people realise they have to drink alone without leaving their house, we will be well on our way to a happier and more productive society.”

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