New DRM system based on brain implants
The new DRM monitoring unit is placed deep within the Corpus Callosum
In an effort to counter the rising tide of digital piracy, the recording and film industries have introduced a new Digital Rights Management system called Neurally Unified Tomographic Severely Agonising Cerebral Scan (NUTSACS). Thanks to a pan-industry agreement, the system is due to become mandatory on most legal download services from 2019 onwards.
“Really there’s just no way to stop piracy on the files themselves.” explained an industry spokesperson, “Whenever we’ve introduced a new form of copy protection it’s been cracked within weeks or months. The only way we have left to protect the content is to go directly to the user’s brain. We have to monitor what they perceive they’re listening to, and then check whether we’ve authorised them to listen to it.”
NUTSACS will require the user to undergo minor brain surgery as the system’s interface plug is inserted into their cerebral cortex. Costs of surgery will be covered by the tax payer, as a part of government support for the content industry.
Responding to accusations that the NUTSACS system caused irreparable brain damage, the spokesperson said “Look, we’re talking about 5% capacity loss at most. It might take a little longer to do things like unlocking your front door or remembering your child’s name, but you’ll get there eventually.”
“And yes, some people may say we’re driving honest users to piracy.” she continued, “But we would remind them that piracy is illegal with severe penalties including possible imprisonment for infringement of copyright. If it’s a choice between brain damage or committing a crime, we are confident that our users will know what their priorities are.”
