Crisis for computing industry as users no longer buying pointless upgrades

May 27, 2018

The PC manufacturing sector has entered its tenth consecutive quarter of decline as users are realising they don’t actually need a new computer.

“It used to be so wonderful in the old days,” reminisces an anonymous sales rep “As soon as there was a new processor, or an updated operating system, or even just some trendy new casings, people would rush out and start banging on our doors to upgrade.”

“They even complained when we released updates, because they felt so compelled to stay on the cutting edge. They were really addicted!” laughs another computing retail veteran who wishes to remain nameless. “It was just a licence to print money… Ah, happy days.”

In 2016 however, the pace of upgrades began to decline steeply.

“The upgrades slowed for a number of complex factors.” explains computer industry analyst Z.X. Commodore, “But the main reason was that people realised they didn’t actually need 40 ghz 10-core processors to write letters and play Farmville.”

The one exception to the trend is Apple, who reported higher quarter-on-quarter profits last month. “Basically our fans are so devoted that we can slap any price we want on the hardware.” explained an Apple spokesperson. “As long as it’s got a designer casing with a picture of some fruit on it, they’ll pay anything.” As she finished the last of her complimentary beverages she added “You’re not recording this are you? I thought you were my best mate.”

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