Finance

Recession hits sales of fine leather jackets, CEO Henry Jones Jr. resigns

June 15, 2018
By Kris
Recession hits sales of fine leather jackets, CEO Henry Jones Jr. resigns

The American multinational IJ Markets, best known as the world’s leading manufacturer of high quality men’s leatherwear, has posted its third successive quarterly loss. Its chief executive Henry Jones Jr. has offered his resignation amidst talk of possible bankruptcy. A former professor of archaeology, Dr Jones had led the company since its foundation after...
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Father Christmas signs €3.7 billion sponsorship deal – Santa to only deliver presents made by Nike, Sony and Hasbro from 2019 onwards

May 27, 2018
By Kris
Father Christmas signs €3.7 billion sponsorship deal – Santa to only deliver presents made by Nike, Sony and Hasbro from 2019 onwards

In its biggest shakeup for centuries, the North Pole toy factory has announced that from December 2019 it will be outsourcing its customer fulfilment services entirely to a select group of multinationals. The ten year sponsorship deal, brokered by London management consultancy firm TWTS, will mean that 100% of all Christmas gifts delivered by...
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Star Wars Episode Zero & Prequel Very Special Editions released simultaneously, Lucasfilm shares rise

May 27, 2018
By Kris
Star Wars Episode Zero & Prequel Very Special Editions released simultaneously, Lucasfilm shares rise

George Lucas, once again pushing new boundaries in franchise-exploitation, has surprised the movie world by releasing Star Wars: Episode Zero. Produced entirely with CGI, and featuring computer-generated voices instead of the usual human actors, the film was rendered in secret based on a script penned by Lucas. “We felt there were too many loose...
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United States moves to income-based voting from 2020

March 29, 2018
By Kris
United States moves to income-based voting from 2020

The 2020 US Presidential Elections will see a radical new electoral system introduced, where people will receive multiple votes based upon their personal income. Although the details have not been officially unveiled, it is understood that those with average earnings will receive 10 votes, with additional votes available for higher earners and fewer for...
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Economists Discover Source of Global Economic Woes

March 5, 2018
By Kris

by our financial correspondent Fidel Yar-Expenses Abdul Zimmerman, chief theorist of the Ayn Rand Thinktank Institution, gave a press conference today to announce the result of a 15 year study. “After consultation with market analysts from the world’s leading financial institutions, and a continuous fifteen-year simulation cycle on a global network of supercomputers, we...
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STFU Meets GTFO for the First Time

April 19, 2018
By Truth Today

It is well remembered that since their establishment in 2009 to cope with the global financial crisis, both the Socialist Trade Force Union (STFU) and Global Trust of Financial Organisations (GTFO) have engaged in a ferocious fundamental battle over post-crisis economic foundations. As we all know from our economics 101 textbooks, GTFO believes in...
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