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Recession hits sales of fine leather jackets, CEO Henry Jones Jr. resigns

June 15, 2018
Recession hits sales of fine leather jackets, CEO Henry Jones Jr. resigns

The American multinational IJ Markets, best known as the world’s leading manufacturer of high quality men’s leatherwear, has posted its third successive quarterly loss. Its chief executive Henry Jones Jr. has offered his resignation amidst talk of possible bankruptcy. A former professor of archaeology, Dr Jones had led the company since its foundation after...
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FIFA unveils rule changes for World Cup 2018, penalty shoot-out replaced by karaoke contest

June 10, 2018
FIFA unveils rule changes for World Cup 2018, penalty shoot-out replaced by karaoke contest

Following disastrous ticket sales and dwindling television audiences for the 2014 World Cup, FIFA has announced a raft of rule changes designed to maximise public interest in the upcoming 2018 tournament. “We know some of these suggestions may seem a little radical,” said a FIFA spokesperson “But really we have no choice. TV audiences...
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Father Christmas signs €3.7 billion sponsorship deal – Santa to only deliver presents made by Nike, Sony and Hasbro from 2019 onwards

May 27, 2018
Father Christmas signs €3.7 billion sponsorship deal – Santa to only deliver presents made by Nike, Sony and Hasbro from 2019 onwards

In its biggest shakeup for centuries, the North Pole toy factory has announced that from December 2019 it will be outsourcing its customer fulfilment services entirely to a select group of multinationals. The ten year sponsorship deal, brokered by London management consultancy firm TWTS, will mean that 100% of all Christmas gifts delivered by...
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Glade introduce Personal Plug-Ins

May 27, 2018

Glade, the world’s leading manufacturer of air fresheners, today announced a major new range of products: Personal Plug-Ins(TM). “We’re very excited to be launching this exciting new product” said a spokesperson, “In the past we’ve had to deal with...
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Crisis for computing industry as users no longer buying pointless upgrades

May 27, 2018

The PC manufacturing sector has entered its tenth consecutive quarter of decline as users are realising they don’t actually need a new computer. “It used to be so wonderful in the old days,” reminisces an anonymous sales rep “As...
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Crop circles now main cause of crop failure in European Union

May 27, 2018
Crop circles now main cause of crop failure in European Union

The recent thousandfold rise in mysterious circles in corn fields has become the number one cause of farming losses in Europe, an EU report revealed today. The immediate cost of compensating farmers totals €18 billion, with more likely to...
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